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User talk:NightmaresRemainForever
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Caroline Missing page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! LOLSKELETONS (talk) 02:25, August 18, 2013 (UTC) PLEASE BE AWARE: You have been given an automatic 1 day block from editing because you have not updated the with your new story/stories. This has become a MAJOR problem, and seeing as ALL THE RULES AND REGULATIONS are posted to your talk page as soon as you edit a page (AND I KNOW YOU GET NOTIFICATION OF THIS), there is no logical excuse not to have updated it. See and two for more information. [[User:Sloshedtrain|'Sloshedtrain']] 02:14, August 19, 2013 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:46, June 21, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Besides the punctuation (Periods used when a colon really should be utilized due to the line break. "it said.(:) (line break) “I’ll be watching, never trust me.”", " side. It said.(,/:) “Always Watching”", "I found that the symbols said. “You’ve been warned, I’m always watching….and she’s mine.”", etc.), capitalization ("maniacal laugh that sounded like an Asylum (asylum) patient’s laugh.", "During my Log (log) I got a phone call from the others part of this investigation", etc.), wording ("She seemed like a normal enough girls", "the silence was broken by a loud amount of white noise making me flinch and cover my ears.", "The screen’s image changed for less than a second making it hard to see what it was, than (then) Caroline suddenly disappeared out of shot.", etc.), misused words ("There are lots of contortions (contortion means to bend or twist, I think you mean distortions) and static on the film", "The near (mere) sight of it made my stomach turn.", "I'm terribly sorry to all who read this and lost the need (ability, need implies that they no longer have to sleep.) to sleep.", etc.), tense shifting ("No, there is no possible way she could’ve saw the camera. (tense shift)", "The longer I watch this, the more I think she isn’t staring at that camera (tense shift)", "I paused the screen and rewind frame by frame until I get (got) to it.", etc.), there are quite a bit of story/plot issues too. Story issues: Here's what really tipped the scale and result in the story's deletion. The largest issues is the protagonist's insistence that this is real in response to the events: "In the midnight blue letters this time.…it said. “I’ll be watching, never trust me.” and "Then there was a sound of several men screaming and gun shots going off. Instead of the white screen with midnight blue words showing up on the screen, the screen stayed black and words showed up on the screen in….blood red font." If the protagonist is watching this in realtime, how exactly is that happening with the text? It feels off that she would insist it's real and not provide evidence to back up their claims. Story issues cont.: You re-use a lot of descriptive elements. "the three policemen, dead on the floor, covered in blood. All the bodies have their arms sliced open, their necks sliced with blood spilling everywhere, and their eyes gouged out of their sockets.", "Jeremy Tucker was found dead in his house, his wrists sliced and his body in a blood/water bath.", and "His wrists and neck was sliced and blood covered his body according to the news station." are pretty good examples of this. While I know you're trying to build an M.O. for the entity, it comes off as pretty flat to write the same things for each occurrence (body parts sliced and in a pool of blood). Finally, the story hammers home a lot of overused tropes that really weaken the plot: "All of this is completely true and I have no possible explanation for this." and "Guess that means however, you won't Forget Me now.....will you? Because, I'm Always Watching....''" The former was covered on the cliche list of things to avoid (it's # 6) and the latter I've covered in my writing advicepiece on tropes to avoid under the section "The monster finishes the story". Our quality standards have increased since 2013 and the additions to the story really don't help it too much. If you intend on salvaging this story, I would strongly suggest making a writer's workshop post before attempting the deletion appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:27, June 21, 2016 (UTC)